I’ve been extremely unhappy for the last 2 years in medical school. These new developments have done nothing to help that. Lately its gotten to the point where I’ve been having suicidal thoughts when I think of staying. When I tell family my plans to leave & pursue the degree I want all I get is ranted at about how much hard work went into raising me, is this how I’ll repay my mom & aunt, how God wants me to be here & how good of a doctor I’ll be. How the family will be disappointed if I go & pursue the career I actually want. To think about my cousins & my goddaughter who look up to me. How people will talk about me behind my back & shame my name.
BUT IM NOT HAPPY HERE
& I DONT WANT TO BE A DOCTOR
I COULDNT CARE LESS WHAT PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY
MY MENTAL HEALTH WILL DETERIORATE IF I STAY HERE
IM LITERALLY FIGHTING DEPRESSION & ANXIETY EVERYDAY
Yet I’m supposed to continue being miserable for the sake of pleasing everyone else? Is that the life I’m meant to lead? Is that the plan God has for me?
As spiritual as I would like to think I am, that makes me resent Him to a certain extent. For my mom to tell me God has put me on this path, a path that I don’t want to be on, well that’s not a God I want to believe in. So on top of worrying about my physical and mental well-being, now I’m struggling with my faith.
And the last thing I want to do is disappoint family but honestly, at what cost? I feel like ending my life is the only way to get them to listen & see that I was unhappy, is that fair to me? That’s the only way they’ll see..