So it’s officially a “new year”.
2016 was quite a year. Definitely lots of lows but highs as well.
I have the habit of searching for love outside of myself. This year is dedicated to loving myself and putting myself first.
There’s no guarantee of the future. However, I know what I would like to happen. But working on me takes precedence on waiting for love.
He told me not to wait for him. That hurt. My false twin flame told me the other day that he didn’t care. I see now so clearly that not only does he not care but he never did. That hurts too.
2016 ended on a sad note. I woke up today feeling a little more positive. So I will begin and continue the year that way. I am determined to be happy. I am determined to build myself up after hitting this new low. I’m filled with pain. I’m filled with so much pain but the only person who can fix me is myself. So 2017 is focused on fixing my heart. Healing my heart, healing my spirit, healing my soul. I must heal myself instead of depending on someone else to heal me.
After my run-in with my false twin flame, I came to appreciate my real twin flame even more. I wish I would not have run him away. I should not have let my insecurities get in the way. But honestly, I think us being “separated” is for the best. The irony is that the chaser has now become the runner.
I have so many things to work on. I want to remain open to love but I am no longer seeking it, I know it will find me when I’m ready. My insecurities have mostly been laid to rest due to the chance encounter I experienced but there are a few that I must continue to work through (not being good enough, not being worthy of love, fear of abandonment). I am determined to no longer let these things have a hold on me. I will no longer let these fears take control of my life and my future.
I am more than good enough. I deserve to be loved and to love in return. I am worthy of love and of unconditional love. I am learning that people may love you but that doesn’t mean they’ll stay. And that’s okay, it’s a choice they have to make for whatever reason. But I see now that I deserve a love that will stay, I deserve to feel safe being in love simply knowing that my significant other will never leave me and will always stay by my side as a support system and a guide, loving me through my highs and my lows.
I am no longer searching for this love. My heart hurts, my heart hurts so bad and I think it’s time I give it a break. Looking for love will only be detrimental to me at the moment. When unconditional love is offered to me, I will be open and ready to receive it. I will enjoy it immensely. I will allow it to fill me to the brim. Until then, I offer that love to myself. I love myself and I want to see that love continue to grow. I will go into solitude and continue to grow until the love I deserve finds me then I will continue to grow and build with my significant other.
In 2017 I will love again. I will be happy again. I will become positive again. I will continue to grow. I will continue to blossom into the woman I’m meant to be.