I kept telling myself that I was learning to love myself by learning to love you. I realize now that’s a bogus concept, though loving you has opened my heart to a new way of being that I would’ve never known if it weren’t for you. However, even if I can never have the chance to love you, I will always have the chance to love myself. And at the moment, loving myself is the only option I have left.
We had a discussion yesterday that turned out a lot differently that I could have ever imagined. It still baffles me when I stop and think about it, but if I’m being honest, I’ve made sure to keep myself busy to avoid doing just that.
It looks like my twin flame & I aren’t a good fit for one another right now. I’ve got some growing up to do for sure & can only speak on my behalf. He gave me a paragraph of reasons on why he’s no good for me right now and why I shouldn’t wait on him. So looks like the only thing left to do is move forward. I’ll admit, I get sad randomly and tears will threaten to cloud my vision but what can I do?
I refuse to play victim because honestly, what’s the point? It will only make matters worse for me. Instead, I will take this pain and turn it into something positive. I will allow myself to feel this pain in order to grow through it. I am determined to keep my heart open to love without fear and I have chosen to forgive him. I have chosen to continue to show love to those around me as well as to myself because since I’ve met him, I’ve found myself with so much love to give. I’m unsure what the future holds but I do know one thing: I’m prepared for anything that happens from here on out. I no longer fear love because if I could love you after my previous relationship, then I know for sure I can love someone else if that’s what’s meant to be, if that’s what’s meant for me.